We Grow . . .

So, since I've turned 30, I've done a lot of thinking about where I was and where I've been and who I've become. I have changed so much in ten years that those who knew me ten years ago (and haven't been around for the gradual change) would probably not recognize me. I've gone from being a needy, affectionate, borderline co-dependent girl to a strong, almost too independent woman. There have been changes . . . many for the good, and some not so much. And oh, the things I have learned about myself.

1. There is a VERY fine line with me between too much space and not enough space when it comes to other people.
2. Too much space I get depressed. Not enough space, I get bitchy.
3. I am more of a perfectionist than I ever realized, and when I get overwhelmed, I shut down. If I can't do it all, then I don't want to do any of it.
4. Above anything else in this world, I love to laugh.
5. I have discovered that, as easy going as I am, deep down I am a control freak who doesn't know how to trust.
6. I desperately want to let someone take care of me, but I don't trust anyone to do it.
7. Love is a choice . . . not an emotion. That "love" feeling is something else. It is choosing to love through the good and the bad, though sickness and health, through richer or poorer that makes marriages last. And it is the hardest choice to make sometimes.
8. I miss dancing. Even though I suck at it, I miss it.
9. I am so terrified of rejection and failure that I won't invite any old friends to add me on myspace or facebook, I will probably never leave my job, and will probably never get around to applying for admission to Tech.
10. I want to sing backup harmony with a Folk or Christian group.
11. I HATE being rushed. I really do hate being late. Most people do not believe this about me.
12. I am late all the time because I am a damn people pleaser and I try to fit too much in.
13. I am a night owl. It's just the way I am biologically made. I like to stay up late. No matter how little sleep I get, I always get a second wind about 6:00 in the evening.
14. I am in no way ever going to be a morning person. I like to wake up slowly. This isn't going to change about me no matter how much sleep I get the night before.
15. I really should only teach honors kids. I really don't have the patience for kids who do not read on grade level. (I know, this is very sad.)
16. Give me a month to do something, and it will be done in a month. Give me a day to do something, and it will be done in a day. Give me something to do, and tell me to do it "when I can," and it will never be done.
17. I stole this line from someone, but it describes me well: "I am courteous towards others, and I expect courtesy in return."
18. My biggest pet peeve, above all else, is wasted time and inefficiency.
19. I am a responder/contemplater, which means by nature I tend to respond without thinking. I know this about myself and am working on it. Please give me time (even just a few moments) to consider an issue before asing me to comment on it. You probably don't want my initial response.
20. We do not all worship the same God.

I'm sure I will think of other things as I continue contemplating my first 30 years of life. And there are many more that I won't put on this blog for the simple fact that I don't want the free world reading them. But I am fairly proud of who I've become, even if I still need some work!!